Saturday, August 22, 2009

Man Eating Toilet

Today we did an exercise which involved each person giving the person on their left a subject to write about. One of us got the subject of a Man Eating Toilet. Since there's more than one way to approach any thing - the lucky recipient of this task came up with the following take on it... Hope you enjoy.

"It just won't fit Rob, leave it and walk away" shouted the judge.
Rob stared at the toilet in determination. He took in a breath.
"Ok. If I start with the lid and eat the rest..."
30 seconds left.
In a last gasp attempt, Rob lifted the toilet and threw it in the air.
Time seemed to stand still.
The toilet came down.
The crowd gasped.
The clock was on 5 seconds. Rob opened his mouth and swallowed.
The toilet was gone.
People were clapping "He DID it!!"
The judge walked over to Rob and shook his hand.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Guinness world record for the fastest time to eat a toilet!"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The John Betjeman Young People's Poetry Competition 2009

The John Betjeman Young People's Poetry Prize is now in its third year. The competition was inaugurated in 2006 to celebrate the centenary of one of the nation's best-loved poets. The competition is open to 11-14 year olds living anywhere in the British Isles and the Republic of Ireland. Entrants are limited to one poem each about their local surroundings or any aspect thereof, whether it be a house, a street, a garden, a park, a city or a wider landscape. The spirit behind the competition is to encourage young people to understand and appreciate the importance of place.The inaugural prize was presented by the Poet Laureate Andrew Motion to 12-year-old Jamal Msebele in front of a packed congregation at the church of St Mary Redcliffe, Bristol. Since then Jamal Msebele has been a guest on Radio 4 and has become quite a star. Following its success, John Murray (Publishers) have offered an annual prize of £1000 (£500 to the winner and £500 to the English department of their school). The winning poems for the 2007 competition were announced at a special poetry event at the Cheltenham Festival of Literature, where a sell-out crowd heard the poems read by leading actors including Edward Fox, Phyllida Law and Daniel Stephens.If you would like to enter this year's competition, please download the entry form. For all enquiries, please contact the prize's administrator Justin Gowers (email:

Saturday, August 8, 2009

One Sentence Each

This is from one of the exercises we did today - where everyone writes a line of a story - then passes it on to the next person to write the next bit.

The man grabbed his cigar with chubby, sausage-like fingers.
"Hmmm," he pondered, then his eyes opened wide and he threw it at the terrified servant "I told you SILK CUT!"
The cigarette flew through the air, missing the maid's very flammable hair by inches.
It landed with a thud in front of the closed door, causing smoke to crawl through the small crack, altering the fire alarm. The alarm sounded, everyone ran from the building.
"Ok, no more smoking or else"

"But I like smoking, it's not my fault you got the brand wrong"
"Sorry boss, but your excessive smoking coupled with large anger issues is just too much of a health hazard lately, goodbye.
I quit"
"You can't quit, YOU'RE FIRED!"

"Oh yeah?"
"Good then"
"Yeah Good!"
"You guys have the worst comebacks in the history of comebacks," said some random interfering teenager.
"Yeah well, so's your face"